Restoration

"Would you like a hug first, or a kiss first?"


"Kiss! First!"


This is my routine with Charlie when I tuck him into bed (after his 62 attempts to stall bedtime).  I love that he wants his kiss first, because I love to linger when I end with his hug.  I rest my head on his sweet, warm chest and listen to his breathing and his healthy heart beating.  It's a moment of treasured stillness and tenderness that leaves us both loved and restored.  Tonight as I lay listening to the thump-thump, thump-thump, it transported me to the last time I had listened for a heartbeat.  It was this morning, after my patient died.  I leaned over in the stillness and listened, as her husband and two sons waited for me to stand up and tell them that she was gone.


I come home from days like this drained and sad with raw grief, but there is so much life waiting to welcome me home.  Today I lingered in their hugs a little longer.  My arms were around them, but they were the ones holding me.