Fruit Flies, Don't Bother Me

We are having a huge problem with fruit flies around here.  Wanting to tackle it head on before company arrived, I researched solutions and discovered that you could make a homemade trap by putting apple cider vinegar or ripening fruit inside a bottle, then shape paper into a funnel so that the flies are enticed inside but can't escape. I tried it and all it did was cause a cloud of fruit flies to swarm in the same place, but none of them wanted to go the light and were content enough with the aroma.  I tried homemade solution number two, recommended by a friend of mine- warm water with dish soap in a bowl.  That worked- for three flies, leaving about 68 flies remaining.

So apparently the problem with fruit flies is that they breed like teeny-tiny rabbits.  They lay eggs everywhere (in your kitchen- yum!)  and hatch a colony every other minute.  So the longer you go with the problem, the worse it gets.  (Disclaimer: I know I usually blog about parenting and the occasional topic that may require tissue at the ready, so if you're expecting this to be some kind of metaphor for either, you can just drop that idea right now.  This is simply an irritated rant. We will return to our regular programming, which is already in progress, in the new few days.) So...the over breeding tiny flying monsters.  Ever read Dr Seuss's "Too Many Daves?" It's the story of a woman who parented 23 sons and she named them all Dave.  Add a 1 in front of that number and that's about how many little Daves have been flying around here.  Let's name them Robert, though; my Dad's name is Dave and he is very respectable, not at all annoying, I love having him around and would never swat him away.  The 123 Roberts got so out of control today that I had to actually wave them out of my face to pour milk.  To cut up strawberries.  To set out the dishes.  And if you know me, you know I live in my kitchen.  This is pissing me off. I've had it with feeling like I'm preparing food for six in the deep woods. We hardly have any space left in our fridge, 'cuz we can't leave any produce out lest Roberts lay eggs all over them (puke).  We joined a CSA this summer so have a plethora of fruits and veggies for once.  The healthy stuff is crowding out my cheese and salad dressing and lemonade and frosting.  This is war.

I returned to Ace Hardware to get another fruit fly trap- it's a lovely little apple-shaped thing where you squirt in smelly bait and the flies fly in and drown.  It worked okay, but Roberts are now appearing all along the perimeters of the kitchen.  I bought two more, and a package of super-sticky fly tape.  My kitchen looks a little like this:

So far, my overkill seems to be working.  Check out the sticky tape up close.

The tape is not the most humane thing in the world.  The flies land onto the crazy-strong adhesive landing strip and simply get stuck there, alive, nothing wanting more than to breed.  123 horny Roberts, helpless and waiting to die.  I almost feel a little bad.  Almost.