A couple nights ago, when I was rocking Charlie before bed, he noticed my scar from my open heart surgeries. It was the first time he realized it was there. He traced his little fingers along its length, and looked up at me with a smile in his eyes. I had tears in mine. Not often enough, it occurs to me that it is a miracle these little boys are here. I was never expected to live through my congenital heart complications when I was a baby, and here I am having my own. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, I prayed in that moment, looking back at Charlie and holding him close.
It has occurred to me that I never gave an update after my visit to Mayo to meet my new cardiologist. (For newer reader friends, a bit of my "heart" story can be found in this blog entry, and some here as well). We like the new doc. She's extremely bright, and young, which is nice to know we'll likely have a long relationship together (I've only had one other cardiologist before her, who had followed me my entire life and retired a couple years ago). After I had Charlie, it appeared that my heart was showing some new symptoms of stress; they weren't able to tell if it was leftover from pregnancy and the health issues I had afterward, or if it was truly a new symptom of my overall heart condition. After repeating several tests and assessments over a six-month period, the fantastic news is that the increased stress on my heart seems to have gone back to normal. It was likely leftover from the pregnancy. In fact, six years ago, they measured that my heart's work function was 55% of that of a "normal" person's heart. Last month, it improved to 60%. This is all very, very good news.
After repeating said good news to family in reviewing my Mayo visit, I started to listen to what I was actually saying. 60%? Basically, my heart works a little over half as well as a healthy person's heart. I know very well that while I am able to work out regularly, I can't keep up at the same pace as others. No matter how fit I am, I never will. Gym class was a nightmare for me. But I can hold down an over-full-time job and raise a family. I can stay at home with four kids and still have energy to burn at night. I can kick it in a 60 minute Zumba class without needing a break. All running on sixty percent. Makes me wonder what I could do with that other forty...
I will still need open heart surgeries in the future. One of my heart valves is leaking severely, and we're watching it very closely. When it becomes worse, it will need repair fairly quickly. And of course, I'll always be pacemaker dependent and need surgeries for replacing that also. But for today, I'm busy holding down a house of miracles, and putting my heart into that.
It really is amazing. All of it.
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