Home Improvement

Our house is 1 year old this week. What a beautiful thing it has been to find a piece of land and custom-build a home from the ground up, just for us. The first time I drove to our home site after the builders broke ground, I broke down. I saw the cement foundation that would be our basement, and it was real. This was our first home, a home that we hope to raise our children in for years to come. Each room came together in its own time. Framed photos are on the walls. Nearly every wall is painted. And now, one of the guest bedrooms has become a nursery.

Along with its one-year birthday, our house is also flaunting its one-year-warranty. We scrutinized nooks and crannies in every room, jotting down cracks and noises and leaks. If it wasn't written down by the first of the month, it would not be fixed under warranty. Today was our "fix-it" day. Michael worked from home so he could field the traffic of electricians, plumbers, roofers, and even a window-treatment sales rep. It was an open house of contractors.

This Wednesday, we will be 28 weeks along. This is a number I have been looking forward to for quite a while. Having seen and worked with countless premies, I know that babies born at 28 weeks or later generally do very well. Sigh. We made it. Sigh...but gasp! I turned to Michael: "do you realize that we are going to have a son in, like 8-10 weeks?" He nodded quietly. Today my perspective on time shifted a bit. I only have 2-3 weekends left where I have to work before I have a baby. We only have 8-10 more Saturdays to sleep in and eat donuts in bed before we have another family member under our roof, a chronic alarm clock. Two-and-a-half months before two-and-a-half people become three.

Fear began to hover in the room, thick and low. This is it. Are we ready? Will we be good parents? Will our marriage change? Will we ever sleep again? Will I treat Michael well enough when I'm utterly exhausted? Will we stick to our convictions about continuing to make dedicated time for the two of us? Will it be so much about routines and schedules and who has the diaper bag with them that we lose perspective on everything non-baby?

Any parent, no matter how excited they are to welcome a baby into their lives, would be lying up the wazoo if they didn't admit the fear factor. But I pointed out to Michael that the very fact that we are worried and scared, questioning and nervous, probably points to the fact that we're more prepared than we think we are. I'm grateful to have an honest marriage where we can openly mull, and maybe even shed a tear or two, over uncertainty. But I think that what we are certain about is the most important: that this baby will more than improve this home, and complete it in ways we can only dream of right now.