Mama, Unplugged

This is a picture of Oliver eating at a resteraunt today.

I am not there.

I am at Panera. I am by myself. With mac 'n cheese, a salad, and a frozen mocha. Did I mention that I'm by myself?

It's Mother's Day. For me, anyway. When Michael asked me a few weeks ago what I wanted for Mother's Day, I said the required, "Well of course I don't need anything, I have everything I could ever ask for....but if I had to choose something..."

I wanted a day all to myself, ending with a night in a hotel. I would sit in that hotel room, maybe blog, maybe read senseless magazines, channel-flip between HGTV and some 48 Hours Special Mystery, go swimming, and sleep in the middle of the bed. All of the pillows would be mine. And I would have no responsibility except to keep myself happy and fed.

I got a massage yesterday, and before you get all worked up about how lucky I am (and I am), I want to clarify that I have chronic neck, shoulder and back pain from driving hours a day, a stressful job, lifting my kid, and some bad multitasking-related ergonomics in general. I need my massages to keep my pain at bay. Sometimes my therapist will lay her elbow into my back in hopes of loosening up the knots. "Are you okay?" she'll ask, clenching her own jaw with effort. "Hurts so good," comes the muffled reply from my ripened tomato-face smashed into the head pillow.

Even with the muscle rehab, a massage to me is still a massage. It's an hour of no responsibility, an hour of quiet, an hour of lying on the softest, warmest bed you can imagine, in a room with dim yellow light and soft music infused with nature sounds. I try to schedule them on Friday afternooons, to help me transition to the weekend. The irony comes in the desperate effort it takes me to get there in time, with all of my work finished. It required a 5am start to my day yesterday, and I finished my charting 2 minutes before I needed to drive to the appointment. My laptop was still integrating files, though, so I brought it in with me. My therapist looked at me in the cushy waiting area, sunk into the couch but holding my blackberry, my work laptop humming beside me. She shook her head and simply said, "Girl, you need to unplug."

I slept in this morning, and woke up at noon, knowing Michael was on Oliver-duty all day today. And then I did the dishes and picked up the living room. I know, I know, I failed already, but I assure you that there are about four loads of laundry upstairs, clean but sitting in heaps upon heaps, that aren't going anywhere today. They aren't, but I am. I got my hair cut, am now at Panera, and will soon by taking myself shoping, to finish in time for an evening showing of the girliest movie I can find that does not star Amanda Seyfried. Then it's off to my hotel.

Happy Mother's Day, me. I love my family to pieces and pieces, but I'm going to spend today with somebody who is pretty fun to hang out with from time to time.