Adult-proof

Today, we opened a very cool gift. It's a musical toy, which at first glance looks like the 80's game "Simon," with four, large primary-colored buttons that light up. This toy teaches animal sounds, nature noises, 80 different songs, and probably Mandarin Chinese. Michael, my parents, and I were intrigued. My Dad stared at the box, and read aloud, "try me." He accepted the invitation and pressed a button. Silence. "How can I try when there are no batteries?" he asked the toy's box.

We spotted batteries hidden in the eaves of the cardboard, and Michael went to work extricating this toy from its box. Work is an understatement. He ended up nearly ripping the cardboard into shreds, then tackled the hard plastic twist-ties for about 10 minutes before getting to the prize. Do toy-packagers think that the toys are going to come to life on the shelves when the lights go out at Target, a la Toy Story, trying to escape back to their maker?

But the battle had just begun after Michael finally ecscavated the product. To install the batteries, he needed a Phillips screwdriver. After this process was completed, the batteries snapped in, the switch was turned to "on," and we waited expectantly. Silence. My mother handed new batteries to Michael after he took the Phillilps once again to the battery door. It had to be the batteries. A new set of four snapped into place, and Michael pressed a glittery red button. Silence.

He called out for another tool, which my mom went hunting for in the basement. Michael took this tool to the bolts of the toy, and inspected the guts. Nothing obviously wrong. Half-disappointed, and half-amused, we looked at the pile of cardboard, hard plastic, and screws. Michael assembled the pieces back as best as he could, and tucked the toy back inside, tracks of rips and dents decorating the packaging. When he tries to return it for a "new" one, without a receipt, and try to convince the clerk that the toy was broken before opening the package, I'm going to stand back about 50 feet and look very interested at something on the wall.