Waiting

As I shared earlier, my cervix was dilated to 1 cm at last week's OB check. The OB (one of about 18 in the high-risk clinic) had mentioned that they would likely do some cervical ripening at the next appointment to try to encourage labor if things hadn't progressed on their own by that point, as none of the providers seemed interested in seeing what would happen if I progressed beyond 40 weeks.


I got a call from Michael 20 minutes before our appointment time on Friday, asking where I was. I smiled. Michael was more anxious than I was. In the waiting room, Michael told me how his coworkers had told him, "you go get that baby!" He had told them not to expect him next week, thinking we'd be home with our new baby. His Facebook status said, "I haven't been this excited since February 10th, 2007" - our wedding day.

Michael's hopeful face turned a bit stoic when we were told that I was only 50% effaced, and still just 1 centimeter dilated. The OB, a different one this week than the one we had last week, explained that it wouldn't be the most productive or wise move to induce or even ripen when my cervix was still taking its sweet time. That, and they don't do inductions on the weekend. (Which, we concurred, must have slipped the mind of Dr. Last Week when he mentioned the potential for weekend progress). We were then left with the decision of picking a date for induction in the next week.

Michael had a look on his face that was familiar to me. It was the same one he wore when we sat down to pick out the color of the house we were building. He looked lost, frustrated, and a little panicked. "I guess I was just really hoping it would be this weekend," he said with the saddest little frown I'd ever seen his lips form.

I, on the other hand, was a bit relieved. I had taken Thursday and Friday off to rest in anticipation of the Big Weekend. But resting is not something I do well, unless you consider Target runs, writing 35 more thank-you's, baking cookies, cleaning the kitchen, picking up more cat food from the vet, finalizing the labor and delivery bag, sorting and cleaning and storing my nursing supplies, mailing off packages at the Post Office, calling my insurance company for coverage questions, and going to Bible study, resting. I was exhausted, and though it felt good to have a bold line stirking out each item on my to-do list hanging on the fridge, I was a little angry with myself. Is this how I am going to be for the rest of my life? Unable to slow down, so much so that I cannot even find the time to rest before pushing out a baby? The aforementioned items on my to-do list had nothing to do with that pre-labor nesting burst of energy. I had no energy to start with. I just felt compelled to finish everything.

So to agree on an induction date of Wednesday, July 1, our son's original due date, was to gift me 3 1/2 days of whatever I wanted to do. I was thrilled, relaxed, and very grateful. I started to think about all of the things I wanted to, but caught myself just as I began making another list in my head. And I am pleased to tell you that at 11:25 am on Monday, I am blogging, still in my pajamas, looking forward to channel-flipping just before taking a nap. Right after I unload the dishwasher and put another load in the dryer.